My usual saying was, there’s always a plan. Stick to the plan. It will work.

There’s a bit of a feeling of, that was then, this is now. Sunday was supposed to be a ride with Kevin (younger Kevin, not ex-pilot), ahead of Easter dinner. But Kevin’s knee is still giving him issues, so once again, another solo ride for me. I did learn something; looking at Strava shows I’d done this exact ride 16 times, 53 miles, about 3300ft of climbing, and the relative effort solo, for the same ride speed/time, is about twice what it is when riding with Kevin. Trading off really does make a difference.

After I got back I found that my wife’s semi-elaborate dinner plans (at home) had been called off because she was having a really bad day. Really low energy. Some of which undoubtedly was because the day before (Saturday) she woke up at 5am, couldn’t sleep, so she decided to go to the grocery store at 6am and do her heavy-duty shopping (instead of waiting until after work at the shop and going with me). Combine that we several hours at the shop, and that was just way too much for her to handle. Which of course I’d told her at the time, but between her chemo brain (that doesn’t always allow rational thought) and just not wanting to give in to things, she went and “did it all” anyway.

That kind of describes what life feels like for me lately. Something has to change. It’s probably why I cling so desperately to that trip in July to France, something I can plan and execute and almost by sheer force make happen.